I didn’t grow up emotionally steady.
I wasn’t the capable kid.
I wasn’t pushing harder or performing through adversity.
I was overwhelmed.
Crying more than I wanted to.
Feeling everything at once.
Trying to explain emotions I didn’t have language for.
When you’re told to “stop crying” or “stop overreacting” enough times, you learn something quickly:
Your feelings aren’t safe here.
So I adapted the only way I knew how.
I hid.
I withdrew.
I searched for relief.
I tried to make the intensity inside me quieter.
For a long time, survival looked like disappearing.
Not strength.
Not resilience.
Just getting through the day without being too much.
And here’s what I understand now:
Nothing was wrong with me.
No one had ever taught me how to feel safe in my own body.
Self-Criticism vs Self-Compassion
Self-criticism can look responsible.
It sounds like standards.
Like accountability.
Like discipline.
But underneath, it’s usually fear.
“If I’m hard on myself first, I’ll stay safe.”
It keeps you small enough to survive.
But it never helps you grow.
Self-compassion isn’t softness.
It’s safety.
And safety is what allows your system to finally settle.
When you feel safe internally:
You think more clearly.
You make cleaner decisions.
You stop abandoning yourself.
You stop performing for approval.
Energy returns naturally.
Not because you forced it.
Because you’re no longer fighting yourself.
That’s not indulgence.
That’s strength.
Worthiness Was Never Earned
For years, I believed worth came from effort.
If I worked hard enough, achieved enough, improved enough… maybe I’d finally feel okay.
But worth doesn’t work like that.
Worth isn’t earned.
It’s remembered.
You don’t become worthy.
You stop treating yourself like you’re not.
When you stop abandoning yourself, something shifts:
You speak differently.
You choose differently.
You lead differently.
Not from fear.
From steadiness.
That’s where real confidence comes from.
Not performance.
Self-trust.
The Part Most People Miss About Healing
Later in life, when I started doing personal growth work, I did what many people do.
I tried to understand everything.
Read the books.
Studied the patterns.
Analyzed the past.
Named every trigger.
Insight helped.
But insight didn’t change how I actually felt when life got hard.
Because when pressure rises, your intellect doesn’t run the show.
Your nervous system does.
And if your body still feels unsafe, you don’t become wise or grounded.
You default to survival.
Overthinking.
Withdrawing.
People-pleasing.
Avoiding.
Shutting down.
Not because you’re weak.
Because your system hasn’t learned steadiness yet.
That was the missing piece for me.
Not more awareness.
Capacity.
What Actually Changed My Life
What changed wasn’t mindset.
It wasn’t trying harder.
It wasn’t “being more positive.”
It was much simpler and much more practical.
I started building internal steadiness.
Deliberately.
Learning how to:
-
stay present instead of disappear
-
feel emotions without shame
-
respond instead of react
-
trust my own signals
-
create safety from the inside out
Not in dramatic breakthroughs.
In small, consistent practices.
Coaching gave me clarity.
Somatic tools helped my body catch up.
Integration changed how I lived.
All three mattered.
Because understanding without embodiment doesn’t hold.
And embodiment without direction doesn’t integrate.
Real change happens when both work together.
Self-Love Isn’t a Feeling. It’s a Practice.
Self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at.
It’s a daily choice.
Choosing:
-
kindness over criticism
-
presence over avoidance
-
honesty over shrinking
-
safety over self-attack
Some days it feels natural.
Some days it feels rebellious.
Both count.
The practice is simply staying with yourself.
Again and again.
February: Self-Love & Compassion
This month, the focus inside EarthRae is simple:
Strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.
Not fixing.
Not forcing.
Not performing.
Stabilizing.
Because when you feel steady inside, everything outside becomes easier.
Better boundaries.
Better clarity.
Better energy.
Better leadership.
An Invitation
If you’re ready to build that kind of capacity, not just insight. I’d love to support you.
Book a Clarity Call. and we’ll orient you toward the next step.
Not to change who you are.
To help you feel safe enough to fully be who you already are.
And that changes everything.
The reflections shared here are my own, shaped by years of lived experience, client work, and publicly available ideas. Any references are for context only and do not imply affiliation or endorsement.