I’m going to talk about the scar on my eyebrow…*Trigger warning*
It’s a daily reminder of what I thought was my first “real boyfriend”, who only knew violence as a reaction to his triggers.
What the science tells us is that in moments of trauma, your brain doesn’t just record what happened. It creates beliefs. Safety rules. Unconscious patterns designed to protect you from ever feeling that unsafe again.
And those beliefs? They don’t stay static. They evolve and morph as you grow, shaping how you see yourself, what you tolerate, and what you believe you deserve.
The messages that scar told me changed as I changed:
- Love hurts.
- He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t love me.
- Other women experience it or it’s just the way it is.
- I deserved it.
- I’m trash.
- I can’t do anything right.
- Hide the past.
- Cover it up.
- Everyone knows you let yourself become a victim.
- Damn it, why do I have to look at that?
- I don’t even know who that woman was.
- Why did you ever tolerate that?
- I don’t want others to heal alone
- This is a reminder of my purpose.
Here’s what the research shows:
Your subconscious mind creates these rules to avoid pain, often without your conscious awareness. The beliefs I formed in those moments became wired into my nervous system. And my body kept responding as if they were still true… even when my life looked completely different.
I created unconscious rules and behaviors in an effort to keep myself safe. All of it automatic. All of it designed for survival.
What I’ve discovered through my own healing and what I now guide others through is how to dissect those behaviors, patterns, rules, and beliefs so they no longer have any grasp on daily life.
As my mentor Mandy Morris teaches: “we don’t work on the trauma directly. We work on the belief the trauma created.” So, we pull it out at the root.
Today when I look at this scar, it doesn’t whisper shame. It doesn’t echo pain.
It gives me “courage” to be vulnerable. To follow my inner integrity. To share what I’ve learned.
It’s a reminder of my purpose relayed powerfully and perfectly from my higher power, which I choose to call God, through his son Jesus.
God’s little light warrior.
An Invitation
If this story stirred recognition rather than urgency, pay attention.
You don’t need to fix anything, you need space to work on the beliefs your experiences created.
Coaching offers a grounded container where you can pull limiting beliefs out at the root and reclaim your integrity.
If you feel called, you’re welcome to book a Clarity Call.
No pressure.
Just an honest conversation about what’s ready to shift.
When you work on the belief instead of the trauma, courage becomes possible.
The reflections shared here are my own, shaped by years of lived experience, client work, and publicly available ideas. Any references are for context only and do not imply affiliation or endorsement.